CBRVFR

__________________
"...the TV also never took away the screwdriver and shoved it up the repairman's ass."

Our own Mr.2nd Amendment, explaining the difference. Perfectly.

Rich Herald, the Gentle Giant

Leelover

Probably the first time he was glad to not have more "endowment"!

__________________
"The Father wove the skein of your life a long time ago. Go and hide in a hole if you wish, but you won't live one instant longer. Your fate is fixed. Fear profits a man nothing." Herger the Joyous

CBRVFR

A man went to a barber for a trim and a shave.

While the barber was lathering the man up for his shave, the man told the
barber that he always has a hard time getting a close shave on his cheeks.

The barber pulled a small wooden ball out of this cabinet drawer. "Place
this ball between your cheek and gum on the right side and I can give you a
close shave."

The man did this, and the barber shaved the right side of his face. "Wow!"
exclaimed the man, "that is great!"

He put the ball in the left side of his mouth, in anticipation of the
barber's next move and with muffled voice asked, "Buh wat happens if I
accidentowy swawo du baw?"

The barber said, "Just bring it back tomorrow. That's what most guys do."

__________________
"...the TV also never took away the screwdriver and shoved it up the repairman's ass."

Our own Mr.2nd Amendment, explaining the difference. Perfectly.

Rich Herald, the Gentle Giant

ND4SPD

This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button fell off. After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off. Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob fell off. I went to get into my car, and the door handle came off in my hand. Now I'm afraid to pee.

__________________
"This is your life - are you who you want to be?"
Learn all you need to know about Mac OS X

JBOOGIE

Now that Uday and Qusay have been eliminated, many of Saddam Hussein's lesser-known relatives are coming to the attention of American authorities including:
Sooflay ............the restauranteur
Guday...............the Australian half-brother
Huray...............the sports fanatic
Sashay..............the gay brother
Kuntay & Kintay.....the twins by his the African wife
Sayhay..............the baseball player
Ojay................the stalker/murderer
Gulay...............the singer/entertainer
Ebay................the internet czar
Biliray..............the country music star
Ecksray...........the radiologist
Puray...............the gourmet chef
Regay...............the Jamaican half-brother
Tupay...............the brother with the bad hair
Lattay...............the sister who works in Starbucks
Bufay...............the chubby sister
Dushay.............the very clean sister
Phayray............the zookeeper sister who works in the gorilla house
Sapheway.........the sister who works in a grocery store
Ollay................the Mexican half-sister
Gudlay.............the slutty sister
And finally, there is Oyvey, but the family doesn't like to talk about him.

__________________
Raw and Uncut!

FrenchieR6

THE RING


Recently a man had to go to the hospital to
have his wedding ring cut off from his penis after his mistress found
the ring in his pants pocket and got so mad at him she stuck it on him
while he was asleep.

I don't know what's worse:

1) having your mistress find out you're married.

2) explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got on your penis.

3) Or finding out your penis fits through your wedding ring

__________________
Fear and Distraction are the enemies of presence, and concentration is the cure.

http://befit4riding.com/

http://www.apex2apex.net/

http://www.americanpowersport.com/

quick26

4) all of the above

__________________
I am not post whoring, I am providing an abundance of useless opinion.

quick26

An Old lady is walking around in a supermarket calling out "Crisco, Crisco, Crissssssco"
Soon a store clerk approaches her and says "Lady, the Crisco is Aisle D"
The Old lady replies "Oh, I'm not looking for the cooking stuff, I'm calling for my husband"
The Clerk is astonished, "Your husband's name is Crisco?"
The Old lady answers, "Oh no, no, no. I only call him that when we're out in public."
"I see," said the clerk. "What do you call him at home?"
The Old lady replies "Lard Ass".

__________________
I am not post whoring, I am providing an abundance of useless opinion.

quick26

LITTLE JOHNNY STRIKES AGAIN....
A grade school teacher in Kentucky asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep It was fascinating."
The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the
word "fascinate, not fascinating". Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated."
The teacher said, "Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to
use the word "fascinate."
Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she
had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided
there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate",
so she called on him.
Johnny said, "My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons,
but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight."
The teacher sat down and cried.

__________________
I am not post whoring, I am providing an abundance of useless opinion.

quick26

Sick Leave
I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss
would not allow me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY", then he would tell me to take a few days off. So I hung upside down from the ceiling and made funny noises. My coworker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the boss would think I was "CRAZY" and give me a few days off.
A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked "What
are you doing?" I told him I was a light bulb. He said "You are clearly stressed out. Go home andrecuperate for a couple of days." I jumped down and walked out of the office. When my coworker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss said to her, "And where do you think you're going?"

(You're gonna love this.....) .

She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark!"

__________________
I am not post whoring, I am providing an abundance of useless opinion.

f1_hurricane

Attached Thumbnails

   

FrenchieR6

LMAO.................

__________________
Fear and Distraction are the enemies of presence, and concentration is the cure.

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http://www.americanpowersport.com/

JBOOGIE

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Honda, when he spotted a world-famous heart surgeon in his shop. The heart surgeon was waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike. The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc can I ask you a question?" The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I also can open hearts, take valves out, fix'em, put in new parts and when I finish this will work just like a new one. So how come I get a pittance and you get the really big money, when you and I are doing basically the same work?" The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic: "Try doing it with the engine running!"

__________________
Raw and Uncut!

CBRVFR

Two strangers are getting on a plane. When they get everything situated, each notices that the other guy is sporting a rather fresh black eye.
As both ask the flight attendent for some ice, one of the men says, "OK, pal - how did you get yours?"

The other man sighs, and says - "It was all a misunderstanding, a slip of the tongue. Did you happen to see the ticket agent back there? the woman with the enormous.. " he gestured ,and the other man acknowledged that he had indeed noticed the well-endowed young lady.

"Well", the man continued, "I meant to ask her for a ticket to Pittsburg, but it came out 'One picket to Tittsburg', and you can guess the rest."

The other man stared at him in disbelief. "That's an amazing coincidence!" he exclaimed.. " Just this morning I was about to ask my wife to 'Please pass the Toasted Wheaties, honey....'


































but it just came out 'You fucking bitch, you''ve ruined my life!"

__________________
"...the TV also never took away the screwdriver and shoved it up the repairman's ass."

Our own Mr.2nd Amendment, explaining the difference. Perfectly.

Rich Herald, the Gentle Giant

quick26

HOW DID I GET HERE?

DAD SAYS:

Ah, my son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!
Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN.
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.

We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Popup appeared and said:

You've Got Male!

__________________
I am not post whoring, I am providing an abundance of useless opinion.

quick26

A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the Creek, he saw a rabbit sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went, 'bang, bang' and the rabbit fell dead. What do you think of that?"

The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else killed that rabbit."

The doctor replied, "My point exactly."

__________________
I am not post whoring, I am providing an abundance of useless opinion.

Hammer

Guys' Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down.Finally, the guys' side of the story. We always hear “the rules” from the female side. Here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note… they are all numbered “1” on purpose!

1. Men ARE not mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something
or tell us how you want it done, not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

quick26

Man's Lifespan

It seems that when God was making the world, he called man over and bestowed upon him twenty years of normal sex life. Man was horrified. "Only twenty years of normal sex life?" But the Lord was very adamant - that was all man could have. Then the Lord called the monkey and gave him twenty years. "But I don't need twenty years!!" he exclaimed "ten is plenty for me." Man spoke up eagerly, " Can I have the other ten?" The monkey graciously agreed. Then the Lord called the lion and gave him twenty years, and the lion, like the monkey, wanted only ten. Again the man spoke up, "Can I have the other ten?" The lion said of course he could. Then came the donkey and he was given twenty years but, like the others, ten was sufficient and again man pleaded, "Can I have the other ten?"

Which explains why man has twenty years of normal sex life, plus ten years of monkeying around, ten years of lion about it, and ten years of making an ass of himself.

__________________
I am not post whoring, I am providing an abundance of useless opinion.

quick26

When Dan found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died,

he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with.
So one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most
beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.

"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her,
"but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."
Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening and, three days latershe became his stepmother.
Women are so much smarter than men.

__________________
I am not post whoring, I am providing an abundance of useless opinion.

Revvv

Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her, "Grandma, what is that called when two people are sleeping in the same room and one is on top of the other?"

She was a little taken aback, but decided to tell him the truth. "It's called sex or intercourse, darling."

Little Tony just said, "Oh, OK" and went back outside to talk and play with the other kids.

A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, "Grandma, it is not called 'sex or intercourse!' It's called 'Bunk Beds,' and Jimmy's Mom wants to talk to you!"

__________________
www.GrudgeBike.com

ONEvcs

A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him she is staying home because she isn't feeling well.
"What's the matter?" he asks.

"I have a case of anal glaucoma." she says in a weak voice.

"What the hell is anal glaucoma?"

"I can't see my ass coming into work today!"

__________________
"Insisting on perfect safety is for people who don't have the balls to live in the real world."
… Mary Shafer, NASA Engineer

Leelover

A ventriloquist is traveling through Alabama. His car breaks down in a rural area. He makes his way to the nearest farm and asks the farmer to put him up for the night. The man agrees, but asks the performer to accompany him on his evening chores. As they make their way about tending to the various animals the ventriloquist has an idea. He tells the farmer he is able to speak with animals.
As they come up to feed the cow the farmer says "If this is so then what does this cow have to say?" The Ventro asks the cow how she is that day and using his talent makes it appear that the cow says "I am not so good, the farmers hands are cold when he milks me, and my hay is stale." The farmer is amazed! Next they come to the pig pen and he asks the man what the pig has to say. The pig's "answer" is "I am doing well, the mud is comfortable, the food is good, I am happy." Once again the farmer is amazed that his animals can speak when this man is around. They make their way about the barnyard tending to and "talking" to all the animals. The animals often telling the performer about how the farmer treats them. The farmer is delighted by his animals new abilities. As they approach a certain pen, the farmer suddenly grabs the ventriloquist by the arm and leads him quickly the other way. Surprised, the man asks they farmer why they did not go to that pen. The farmer replies, "We don't need to see that sheep, he lies!"

__________________
"The Father wove the skein of your life a long time ago. Go and hide in a hole if you wish, but you won't live one instant longer. Your fate is fixed. Fear profits a man nothing." Herger the Joyous

ONEvcs

FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW TO ACHIEVE A HAPPIER LIFE: