Ramblings on achieving balance in life...

bwhip · 02-16-2007, 08:15 PM

There is a group of businesspeople I meet with on a regular basis, through an organization I belong to. We meet monthly and have in-depth discussions on business and life issues, and I always find the discussion stimulating.

One of the topics frequently discussed is finding the appropriate level of balance in one’s life. How much should we focus on work versus play? Business versus family concerns? What about tending to our spiritual needs?

What about the balance between having fun today and saving for the future?

Of course, there is no single correct answer to these questions. It’s a matter of perspective, based largely on one’s upbringing, values, circumstances, and opportunities.

It’s interesting to me that I have quite a few friends that think I must be really wealthy. Kids at nice colleges, multiple motorcycles, a fairly robust recreational life, and so on. Yet I have other friends that probably think I live very modestly. They see me driving a pickup, working 60 hours a week or more, living in a rather small home (about 1,200 square feet) with cat-clawed furniture and a moldy bathroom ceiling. They have opulent homes, own their own businesses, and drive luxury SUV’s and sports cars.

I have friends that probably would never have to work another day in their life if they chose to, yet they never take a vacation, save every penny they make, and constantly worry about money (which I think is kind of sad).

I believe in working hard, enjoying life to the fullest today, particularly with one’s family, but with some discipline in saving for retirement and long-term goals. We’ve all seen people that scrimp and sacrifice and save for the rainy day or retirement, only to die way too early to enjoy it. We also see people that party and have fun and save nothing for the future, that have to rely on the care of others in their retirement years.

How do you manage these life balance issues?

luvtolean · 02-16-2007, 08:33 PM

Overall, I consider myself quite content.

Time wise, I don't really balance it.

To be honest I'm not really in control of my schedule, so I just roll with it. There are times when I work and travel a bunch, but when I am home, honestly I'm not usually doing 40 hr weeks. (unless you include surfing time)

Money I discussed in another thread. I have a cheesy little book called the Richest Man in Babylon that I was given by a successful, by any measure, great grandfather, whom I don't remember meeting. This book is still in print BTW.

That book talks about the miser and says it is as bad as the guys that blow every dime. It basically advocates saving 10% of your income, no matter what.

I make sure to do that. I make sure to do that even when I pay other people interest on credit cards.

After that is done, to be honest, I spend my money and enjoy my hobbies and life. My finances are no model of what to do, but it works for me, and I don't get into risks that could spell bankruptcy. When the GF finishes law school, we will have a serious improvment in income, but neither of us really feel a need for a change in lifestyle, we actually went over this in detail recently...theoretically that should mean more money into retirement. Probably an extra trip or two here and there, and probably more Coach bags in the closet.

Anyway, we should not be hurting too much in retirement, barring a collapse of the US financial system, or various other life events you have no control over. And I purposely chose a career that would allow me to work as long as I wanted, needed, or someone would pay me!

My biggest balance problem right now is too many hobbies, looking to be rid of some actually!

DoctorFell · 02-16-2007, 09:26 PM

I'm relying nigh entirely on the chance that the future will be dominated by a Mad Max-esque post-apocalyptic scenario where I'm driven to become a strong, silent anti-hero, traveling the world as a nomad and killing for food and fuel. To that end, I've spent the majority of my income on hand-to-hand combat lessons, the stashing of a private armory, and virility-restricting black leather pants.

But more realistically, as a college student and full-time slave laborer, time management tends to lean more towards survival until I've finished school. I'd like to think your (bwhip's) formula in the vein of happiness is the right one, as I certainly see too many people - even my peers - prematurely growing old while scrimping and suffering in hopes of getting there, not knowing whether an early life spent largely in anticipation of the distant future will actually pay off. And I don't mind fond-hearted regrets, but I never want to find myself with all the time and money, and none of the youth to enjoy it. Or worse yet, dead before expectation and haunting whomever receives my riches.

After all, what's a life of hard work without the occasional weekend hooker-laden Tijuana coke-frenzy.

CBRVFR · 02-16-2007, 10:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DoctorFell

I'm relying nigh entirely on the chance that the future will be dominated by a Mad Max-esque post-apocalyptic scenario where I'm driven to become a strong, silent anti-hero, traveling the world as a nomad and killing for food and fuel. To that end, I've spent the majority of my income on hand-to-hand combat lessons, the stashing of a private armory, and virility-restricting black leather pants.

But more realistically, as a college student and full-time slave laborer, time management tends to lean more towards survival until I've finished school. I'd like to think your (bwhip's) formula in the vein of happiness is the right one, as I certainly see too many people - even my peers - prematurely growing old while scrimping and suffering in hopes of getting there, not knowing whether an early life spent largely in anticipation of the distant future will actually pay off. And I don't mind fond-hearted regrets, but I never want to find myself with all the time and money, and none of the youth to enjoy it. Or worse yet, dead before expectation and haunting whomever receives my riches.

After all, what's a life of hard work without the occasional weekend hooker-laden Tijuana coke-frenzy.

Kid, you're gonna be all right.

Heavy-Dee · 02-16-2007, 10:10 PM

Whipper, if you find the answer let me know.

I want my cake and I want to eat it too. My biggest fear is waking up one day and finding that I tell a lot of stories that start w/ "I thought about doing that..." instead of "I did that for a while" or "I tried that".

That's a lot of what I heard my dad say growing up. It's a big reason why I'm racing my bike. B/c he thought about it, now I'm DOING it. It's a big reason why I applied to the FBI a few years back: because I could. And now I did. I didn't get in, but at least I tried.

Two goals: Have no regrets, and take care of whomever comes along that I deem worth taking care of.

maxib · 02-17-2007, 10:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bwhip

How do you manage these life balance issues?

Manage?!! It's enough for me to flow through the maelstrom of life without having my feet straddle both sides of a submerged tree stump on my way downstream. Manage he says...next thing you know bwip will be posting something with the word paradigm as the subject!

Quote:

Originally Posted by DoctorFell

I'm relying nigh entirely on the chance that the future will be dominated by a Mad Max-esque post-apocalyptic scenario where I'm driven to become a strong, silent anti-hero, traveling the world as a nomad and killing for food and fuel. To that end, I've spent the majority of my income on hand-to-hand combat lessons, the stashing of a private armory, and virility-restricting black leather pants.

I like this kid's attitude and philosophy of life.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DoctorFell

After all, what's a life of hard work without the occasional weekend hooker-laden Tijuana coke-frenzy.

Ya got that right! The journey through life is a bumpy, rock strewn rutted muddy road with washouts, black ice and windshield cleaners for a buck at every stop. Time clocks, heavily perfumed overweight aunts that give hugs, dead batteries and April 15 (to name a few nuisances) give us reason to visit Tijuana or the Keys.

Quote:

Originally Posted by CBRVFR

Kid, you're gonna be all right.

I have to agree with my friend. He'll be even better if he picks up a guitar!

SomeStrangeGuy · 02-17-2007, 10:27 AM

I've been giving this some thought, I am on some kind of proportional integral loop type of balance...I seem to err one way, then go entirely the other, then back again...

Example:
Buy Expensive car and bike,
Save money by selling bike.
Waste again by trading in for expensive truck.
Total truck, and 'smarten up' by buying used car.
Go spend 5k$ on performance crap and audio system for 'cheap used car'
Realize my folly and go spend money on an adult vehicle (see 'expensive truck' above).
Buy streetbike(s) and dirtbike(s) in celebration of my adultness or something.
Sell the crap, to buy a more expensive truck.
Sell truck to buy car, to save money...to buy new streetbike.

Thats only my transportation follies and years 1998-2002 I'm talking about mind you

edit: Expensive is relative to the time period, in the first mention it's a Civic, but when you make 25k a year, a Civic takes a good chunk of that with it. Add an F3 onto that, plus insurance....

luvtolean · 02-17-2007, 10:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maxib

Time clocks, heavily perfumed overweight aunts that give hugs, dead batteries and April 15 (to name a few nuisances) give us reason to visit Tijuana or the Keys.

Hell yeah. Going somewhere to sip foofoo drinks with umbrellas, yearly, is mandatory.

The Keys are great and I've been 3 times, but us west coasters are spoiled with having Hawaii relatively close.

ND4SPD · 02-17-2007, 11:11 AM

Who's up for a photoshop contest?

luvtolean · 02-17-2007, 11:15 AM

Yeah, have fun.

Just remember, I was the one in Maui a couple weeks ago.

Seriously though, since this is a life balance thread, don't forget to take a week and do something totally chill. Mountains, ocean, lake, whatever.

To me, time at the track doesn't count. And while I was deep into racing and other things, I found it hard to break away and spend money on something as frivolous as hanging out on a beach or whatever....but you have to.

SomeStrangeGuy · 02-17-2007, 11:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by luvtolean

I found it hard to break away and spend money on something as frivolous as hanging out on a beach or whatever....but you have to.

Exactly, something DIFFERENT from the every day run of the mill events...ya just gotta do it, very good point

ND4SPD · 02-17-2007, 11:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SomeStrangeGuy

Exactly, something DIFFERENT from the every day run of the mill events...ya just gotta do it, very good point

I agree as well. I've been bad about this. In the last 10 years I've only done it 3x though, unfortunately.

bda116 · 02-17-2007, 01:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by luvtolean

Seriously though, since this is a life balance thread, don't forget to take a week and do something totally chill. Mountains, ocean, lake, whatever.

There is nothing, absolutely nothing in this world quite like sitting atop an 11,000+ft. mountain and taking in the world around you. It is an amazing place. The thoughts it invokes and how it invigorates you are beyond compare.

Leelover · 02-17-2007, 02:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DoctorFell

I'm relying nigh entirely on the chance that the future will be dominated by a Mad Max-esque post-apocalyptic scenario where I'm driven to become a strong, silent anti-hero, traveling the world as a nomad and killing for food and fuel. To that end, I've spent the majority of my income on hand-to-hand combat lessons, the stashing of a private armory, and virility-restricting black leather pants.

Well, that was my plan too. It has gotten me to the place I am today.
You might mant to reconsider.

luvtolean · 02-17-2007, 05:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bda116

There is nothing, absolutely nothing in this world quite like sitting atop an 11,000+ft. mountain and taking in the world around you. It is an amazing place. The thoughts it invokes and how it invigorates you are beyond compare.

I've climbed Mt Shasta twice now, which is 14k and change, and it actually feels real high due to the fact it's basically a volcano rising out of the valley floor. Everything looks different when you're up that high. Even the camera gives pics that for lack of a better word, are amazingly crisp.

We used to hike Mt Lassen and nearby cousins 5-10 times a year which are about 11k.

It's amazing to watch planes fly under you, clouds...etc etc. What's really beyond compare is spending the night at 10k+ and looking at the stars...

But still, for me, nothing is as relaxing as chillin' by the beach. Most of my friends prefer the mountains though.

Strap a pack on and leave phones and e-mail behind for a week. You come back a different person.

bda116 · 02-17-2007, 07:26 PM

A week backpacking trip, or even a few days truly IS amazing. And you are absolutely right about the stars at night in the mountains.

Jetbdude · 02-17-2007, 08:22 PM

At 32 years old I have been true quite a lot, Veronique as well. We know what we want and like. My father died the day after he retired...... That being said, I live my life WOT. I put some money on the side, but spend most of what I'm doing. I like to think that I'm doing good but I work hard for it.

I think that my boss needs me more that I need him, so I work with absolutely no pressure. If they're not happy I'll just go work for someone else

. That helps me a lot

I say yes to EVERYTHING, I never miss an opportunity to live an experience that I think will be fun AND helpful for me.

I love my life, therefore I think it's pretty balance for now

oldfogey · 02-19-2007, 11:24 AM

Good thread, 'whip.

I'm at the stage where I know I want to devote more time to personal life, less to work, but that demands both financial compromises I'm not quite ready for and extra effort beyond a demanding full-time job to find the "next career" that will be part-time.

I've always worked hard and saved more than most, intending that "tomorrow will be more relaxed", but find it very hard to then rebalance.

Catalysts, crudely, were people's deaths. My parents', my now-fiancee's then husband (a good friend to me), several serious illnesses in people my age. That changes the attitude a bit, from "Well, I'll have twenty years when I retire aged 65" to "What if this year is my last?" As economists say, that changed my utility function over private time. Motorcyclists are optimists: most think they'll live for ever.

I now do not work weekends or travel routinely on business, so there's more time for family and friends and doing things I want to do. I've set very concrete financial goals which, when achieved, will allow me the time to move to the next career stage.

I do think this is one of the hardest things to address realistically.

SheepOfBlue · 02-19-2007, 11:48 AM

My short attention span makes me balance as I cannot focus long enough to get out of balance

clutchslip · 02-19-2007, 12:45 PM

Sheep. I am jealous!

I am pretty much hosed for long term retirement, thus the foray into amateur racing. I only have a few more years to realistically try to compete. I don't want another "woulda-shoulda" in my epitaph. The amount of money wouldn't buy me one damn year of health care/or retirement. So I am charging-it-up, baby.
NO regrets! (I hope).

deftones156 · 02-19-2007, 01:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bda116

There is nothing, absolutely nothing in this world quite like sitting atop an 11,000+ft. mountain and taking in the world around you. It is an amazing place. The thoughts it invokes and how it invigorates you are beyond compare.

+1000. I can't really add much to that, you summed it up quite well.

I try to be smart with my money and not spend it frivilously, but I want to enjoy my life to the fullest the entire time I'm on this earth. Growing up, I learned very quickly that my father was very cheap. He wouldn't spend hardly any money, unless it was absolutely necessary, and he invested and saved most of his money. Not that we wished for the world, but this was maddening to my brother and me. Shortly after he retired, he realized that he was 60 years old and all the money he'd earned was used only to earn more money. He finally started spending some and buying stuff that he wanted.

I vowed early on to never be like that. If I really want something, and I can afford it without burdening me financially then I'll get it. But, it's still easy to keep myself in check since I currently don't make all that much money!

02-16-2007, 08:15 PM	#1
bwhip Every ride a gift... Join Date: 12-13-2006 Location: Idaho, USA Bike(s): 1098S-SXV550-849-Ruckus Posts: 4,108	Ramblings on achieving balance in life... There is a group of businesspeople I meet with on a regular basis, through an organization I belong to. We meet monthly and have in-depth discussions on business and life issues, and I always find the discussion stimulating. One of the topics frequently discussed is finding the appropriate level of balance in one’s life. How much should we focus on work versus play? Business versus family concerns? What about tending to our spiritual needs? What about the balance between having fun today and saving for the future? Of course, there is no single correct answer to these questions. It’s a matter of perspective, based largely on one’s upbringing, values, circumstances, and opportunities. It’s interesting to me that I have quite a few friends that think I must be really wealthy. Kids at nice colleges, multiple motorcycles, a fairly robust recreational life, and so on. Yet I have other friends that probably think I live very modestly. They see me driving a pickup, working 60 hours a week or more, living in a rather small home (about 1,200 square feet) with cat-clawed furniture and a moldy bathroom ceiling. They have opulent homes, own their own businesses, and drive luxury SUV’s and sports cars. I have friends that probably would never have to work another day in their life if they chose to, yet they never take a vacation, save every penny they make, and constantly worry about money (which I think is kind of sad). I believe in working hard, enjoying life to the fullest today, particularly with one’s family, but with some discipline in saving for retirement and long-term goals. We’ve all seen people that scrimp and sacrifice and save for the rainy day or retirement, only to die way too early to enjoy it. We also see people that party and have fun and save nothing for the future, that have to rely on the care of others in their retirement years. How do you manage these life balance issues? __________________ My Gallery

02-16-2007, 08:33 PM	#2
luvtolean Join Date: 12-13-2006 Location: SF Bay Area, CA Bike(s): 2008 BMW GS-A Posts: 6,733	Re: Ramblings on achieving balance in life... Overall, I consider myself quite content. Time wise, I don't really balance it. To be honest I'm not really in control of my schedule, so I just roll with it. There are times when I work and travel a bunch, but when I am home, honestly I'm not usually doing 40 hr weeks. (unless you include surfing time) Money I discussed in another thread. I have a cheesy little book called the Richest Man in Babylon that I was given by a successful, by any measure, great grandfather, whom I don't remember meeting. This book is still in print BTW. That book talks about the miser and says it is as bad as the guys that blow every dime. It basically advocates saving 10% of your income, no matter what. I make sure to do that. I make sure to do that even when I pay other people interest on credit cards. After that is done, to be honest, I spend my money and enjoy my hobbies and life. My finances are no model of what to do, but it works for me, and I don't get into risks that could spell bankruptcy. When the GF finishes law school, we will have a serious improvment in income, but neither of us really feel a need for a change in lifestyle, we actually went over this in detail recently...theoretically that should mean more money into retirement. Probably an extra trip or two here and there, and probably more Coach bags in the closet. Anyway, we should not be hurting too much in retirement, barring a collapse of the US financial system, or various other life events you have no control over. And I purposely chose a career that would allow me to work as long as I wanted, needed, or someone would pay me! My biggest balance problem right now is too many hobbies, looking to be rid of some actually! __________________ The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries. - Winston Churchill

02-16-2007, 09:26 PM	#3
DoctorFell I'm wacky times. Join Date: 12-18-2006 Location: The moon. Age: 24 Bike(s): 1995 CBR F3 Posts: 275	Re: Ramblings on achieving balance in life... I'm relying nigh entirely on the chance that the future will be dominated by a Mad Max-esque post-apocalyptic scenario where I'm driven to become a strong, silent anti-hero, traveling the world as a nomad and killing for food and fuel. To that end, I've spent the majority of my income on hand-to-hand combat lessons, the stashing of a private armory, and virility-restricting black leather pants. But more realistically, as a college student and full-time slave laborer, time management tends to lean more towards survival until I've finished school. I'd like to think your (bwhip's) formula in the vein of happiness is the right one, as I certainly see too many people - even my peers - prematurely growing old while scrimping and suffering in hopes of getting there, not knowing whether an early life spent largely in anticipation of the distant future will actually pay off. And I don't mind fond-hearted regrets, but I never want to find myself with all the time and money, and none of the youth to enjoy it. Or worse yet, dead before expectation and haunting whomever receives my riches. After all, what's a life of hard work without the occasional weekend hooker-laden Tijuana coke-frenzy.

02-16-2007, 10:10 PM	#5
Heavy-Dee The Murph Join Date: 12-17-2006 Age: 31 Bike(s): 2004 GSXR 600 Posts: 2,778	Re: Ramblings on achieving balance in life... Whipper, if you find the answer let me know. I want my cake and I want to eat it too. My biggest fear is waking up one day and finding that I tell a lot of stories that start w/ "I thought about doing that..." instead of "I did that for a while" or "I tried that". That's a lot of what I heard my dad say growing up. It's a big reason why I'm racing my bike. B/c he thought about it, now I'm DOING it. It's a big reason why I applied to the FBI a few years back: because I could. And now I did. I didn't get in, but at least I tried. Two goals: Have no regrets, and take care of whomever comes along that I deem worth taking care of. __________________

02-17-2007, 10:27 AM	#7
SomeStrangeGuy BMW Snob in Training Join Date: 12-13-2006 Location: Debt, where else? Bike(s): GS / KLR Posts: 4,062	Re: Ramblings on achieving balance in life... I've been giving this some thought, I am on some kind of proportional integral loop type of balance...I seem to err one way, then go entirely the other, then back again... Example: Buy Expensive car and bike, Save money by selling bike. Waste again by trading in for expensive truck. Total truck, and 'smarten up' by buying used car. Go spend 5k$ on performance crap and audio system for 'cheap used car' Realize my folly and go spend money on an adult vehicle (see 'expensive truck' above). Buy streetbike(s) and dirtbike(s) in celebration of my adultness or something. Sell the crap, to buy a more expensive truck. Sell truck to buy car, to save money...to buy new streetbike. Thats only my transportation follies and years 1998-2002 I'm talking about mind you edit: Expensive is relative to the time period, in the first mention it's a Civic, but when you make 25k a year, a Civic takes a good chunk of that with it. Add an F3 onto that, plus insurance.... __________________ Come find yourself - GPS Discussion Forums Time is the ultimate currency.

02-17-2007, 11:11 AM	#9
ND4SPD I'm BATMAN!!! Join Date: 12-12-2006 Bike(s): Trek Posts: 8,416 Images: 25	Re: Ramblings on achieving balance in life... Who's up for a photoshop contest? __________________ "This is your life - are you who you want to be?" Learn all you need to know about Mac OS X "Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door"

02-17-2007, 11:15 AM	#10
luvtolean Join Date: 12-13-2006 Location: SF Bay Area, CA Bike(s): 2008 BMW GS-A Posts: 6,733	Re: Ramblings on achieving balance in life... Yeah, have fun. Just remember, I was the one in Maui a couple weeks ago. Seriously though, since this is a life balance thread, don't forget to take a week and do something totally chill. Mountains, ocean, lake, whatever. To me, time at the track doesn't count. And while I was deep into racing and other things, I found it hard to break away and spend money on something as frivolous as hanging out on a beach or whatever....but you have to. __________________ The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries. - Winston Churchill

02-17-2007, 07:26 PM	#16
bda116 Done. Join Date: 12-17-2006 Bike(s): . Posts: 2,113	Re: Ramblings on achieving balance in life... A week backpacking trip, or even a few days truly IS amazing. And you are absolutely right about the stars at night in the mountains. __________________ "Islam isn't in America to be equal to any other faith, but to become dominant. The Koran should be the highest authority in America, and Islam the only accepted religion on Earth." - Omar M. Ahmad, founding chairman of CAIR.

02-17-2007, 08:22 PM	#17
Jetbdude #20 Join Date: 12-13-2006 Age: 34 Bike(s): 07 600RR Posts: 2,630	Re: Ramblings on achieving balance in life... At 32 years old I have been true quite a lot, Veronique as well. We know what we want and like. My father died the day after he retired...... That being said, I live my life WOT. I put some money on the side, but spend most of what I'm doing. I like to think that I'm doing good but I work hard for it. I think that my boss needs me more that I need him, so I work with absolutely no pressure. If they're not happy I'll just go work for someone else . That helps me a lot I say yes to EVERYTHING, I never miss an opportunity to live an experience that I think will be fun AND helpful for me. I love my life, therefore I think it's pretty balance for now

02-19-2007, 11:24 AM	#18
oldfogey Senior member Join Date: 12-14-2006 Location: St Albans, UK Age: 56 Bike(s): Honda VFR800i, BSA Posts: 1,250	Re: Ramblings on achieving balance in life... Good thread, 'whip. I'm at the stage where I know I want to devote more time to personal life, less to work, but that demands both financial compromises I'm not quite ready for and extra effort beyond a demanding full-time job to find the "next career" that will be part-time. I've always worked hard and saved more than most, intending that "tomorrow will be more relaxed", but find it very hard to then rebalance. Catalysts, crudely, were people's deaths. My parents', my now-fiancee's then husband (a good friend to me), several serious illnesses in people my age. That changes the attitude a bit, from "Well, I'll have twenty years when I retire aged 65" to "What if this year is my last?" As economists say, that changed my utility function over private time. Motorcyclists are optimists: most think they'll live for ever. I now do not work weekends or travel routinely on business, so there's more time for family and friends and doing things I want to do. I've set very concrete financial goals which, when achieved, will allow me the time to move to the next career stage. I do think this is one of the hardest things to address realistically. __________________ Blessed are the young for they shall inherit the national debt - Herbert Hoover

02-19-2007, 11:48 AM	#19
SheepOfBlue Your tax dollars at work Join Date: 12-18-2006 Location: Huntsville, AL Age: 46 Bike(s): CBR1000RR, RC51, VT500FT Posts: 6,867	Re: Ramblings on achieving balance in life... My short attention span makes me balance as I cannot focus long enough to get out of balance __________________ When the past is allowed to fade to nothing then only chaos is left.

02-19-2007, 12:45 PM	#20
clutchslip What hump? Join Date: 12-19-2006 Location: Central California Bike(s): Hondus and ponies. Posts: 317	Re: Ramblings on achieving balance in life... Sheep. I am jealous! I am pretty much hosed for long term retirement, thus the foray into amateur racing. I only have a few more years to realistically try to compete. I don't want another "woulda-shoulda" in my epitaph. The amount of money wouldn't buy me one damn year of health care/or retirement. So I am charging-it-up, baby. NO regrets! (I hope). __________________ You take the blonde.